“Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as the Gridiron Club; but no,Virginia, it has nothing to do with football.”

It has to do with the press.

The main purpose of the venerableWashington institution (which has beenaround since 1885) is its annual dinnerand show, which draws influential publishers,editors and journalists from aroundthe country to mingle with the officialsthey write about and to network with theirWashington counterparts.

At this year’s celebration at the CapitalHilton, the meal was elegant, (Muscovyduck, stuffed trout and rack of venison);but the main item on the irreverentevening’s menu is always “roast politician,”giving the club both its motto and itsname “The gridiron singes, but neverburns.”

The event was presided over by theclub’s newly-installed president, Hearstcolumnist Marianne Means, who thenight before was feted at a dinner at theCosmos Club given by Hearst Newspapersin her honor.

The series of barbed musical skits, writtenand performed by members of the club,promises equal opportunity humiliation topublic figures of every political stripe.

The white-tie event is not only in-your-face,but face-to-face, because many of thetargets traditionally attend the GridironDinner, up to and including the currentpresident of the United States and his wife.

One skit this year featured a camel driverleading in a burqa-clad prisoneraccused of “stalking the White Housesince the Kennedy administration.”Unveiled, the mysterious black bundleproved to be Helen Thomas, singing“Hello Dubya!” to the tune of “HelloDolly!” and focusing on Laura Bush’sinsulation from today’s more burningissues “because she doesn’t say diddleysquat.” At her seat on the dais, Mrs. Bushkept her composure and remained smiling,albeit a little wanly.

(At one now-legendary dinner, the club’sroast unexpectedly came to the aid ofembattled First Lady, Nancy Reagan. Earlyon in her husband’s presidency she hadbecome embroiled in several controversies:her ways were perceived as too high-handed,she was criticized for her closefriendship with Betsey Bloomingdale, whowas caught and convicted of smugglingEuropean fashions into the U.S. to avoidpaying duty, and Nancy was also chidedfor problems stemming from her acceptanceof gifts of designer clothing.

The turning point came during one skitwhen the dresses in a rack on stage weresuddenly parted, and out stepped NancyReagan to sing (quite well) a self-mocking“Second-hand Rose in my second-handclothes.” It brought the house down, andreporters noticeably lightened up on theircoverage of her after that.)

This year, it was Vice President DickCheney’s turn, spurred by all the recentmedia questioning of his whereabouts. Toreworked lyrics of “Hernando’s Hideaway”(now “Dick Cheney’s hideaway”), a gaucho-cladman with hat brim covering his face,and a woman with a rose between her teethtangoed across the stage. It was the vice presidentand Mrs. Cheney playing good sports.

Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschlesurprised the crowd with his stand-upturn, delivered with impeccable timingand winning guffaws after each of his salliesdirected at the President.

Christine Todd Whitman, EnvironmentalProtection Agency Administrator,drew the most barbs and gave as good asshe got in her rebuttal speech, which tooka few swipes at the administration positionon the environment, but ended with a sortof pledge-of-allegiance to her boss,President Bush.

When the President came to the mike,he got off several zingers responding toDaschle, but the most powerful momentcame when he urged each Gridiron memberto write a letter to the unborn child ofthe Wall Street Journal’s slain Daniel Pearl,so that some day he would better understandthe larger purpose his father wasserving when he lost his life.

The printed menu featured a sketch ofMarianne Means in a Statue of Libertypose, holding aloft a 5-barred gridironinstead of a torch, with two faces gazingout from her crown. One, President Bush,addresses her husband, James J. (Jack )Kilpatrick with “Jack, I had no idea beingpresident of the Gridiron gave a personsuch stature,” and Jack’s proud reply “Hey,Marianne isn’t just a president, she’s theFirst Lady of Hearst!”

Only two other women (Helen “Thankyou, Mr. President” Thomasand McClatchy Newspaper’s MurielDobbin) have preceded her in the 117years since the tradition–laden group wasfounded.

In addition to the Bushes, theCheneys, the Kilpatricks, the Whitmansand the Daschles, the head table alsoincluded Justice Sandra Day O’Connor,and the Secretary of the Interior GaleNorton, Secretary of Agriculture AnnVeneman, Secretary of Commerce DonEvans, Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao,H.U.D Secretary Melvin Martinez .andEnergy Secretary Spencer Abraham andthe District’s representative EleanorHolmes Norton.

Among the other clubants; ABCNews correspondent Sam Donaldsonand his wife Jan, comedian PatSajak, Egyptian Ambassador NabilFahmy, Jeanne Phillips (now writingher mother’s “Dear Abbey” column),Ari Fleischer, EcudoreanAmbassdor Ivonne A-Baki, theMartin Tolchins and up fromSarasota, Mr. and Mrs. WilliamGuisewite, parents of cartoonistCathy of the eponymous comicstrip. Also, cartoonist Mike Peters,who will administer the foundationfor young cartoonists Herblockendowed so heavily in his will;Andrea Mitchell and AlanGreenspan; Abe Pollin, cosmeticsexecutive Leonard Lauder, Cheney politicalstrategist Mary Matalin, satirist MarkRussell and a throng of senators, congressmen,mayors and governors. as well as thegovernor of St. Petersburg Russia, VladimirYakovlev, there with Esther Coopersmith,who is helping organize St. Petersburg’s300th anniversary to be held in Russia nextyear. The governor traveled here with anentourage of ten for four whirlwind daysof high-level meetings. Indefatigable Esthernot only arranged for a visit to Hillwoodto see the Faberge and other Russian treasures,she drew together on a few daysnotice a seated dinner for 80 in his honor.)

SPOTTED: Beauty Bo Derek washonored by the Embassy of Ecuador whenAmbassador Ivonne A-Baki gave a partyto celebrate the publication of Bo’s newbook Riding Lessons: Everything ThatMatters in Life I learned From Horses.

It’s a wise and witty account of being“discovered” at 16, her sudden catapultingto fame as the perfect fantasy woman ofthe film “10” and her marriage to the lateactor/director John Derek, 30 years hersenior, with whom she shared a happythough extremely private life for twenty-fiveyears. She reveals that their marriagewas far different from the public view ofJohn as a controlling Svengali. We’ll be seeingher around town even more, as she isnow a Kennedy Center Trustee, as well asbeing the national chairwoman of theDepartment of Veteran’s Affairs SpecialEvents. Most-repeated phrase of theevening: “She is still a “10.”

Another charismatic personalityrecently in town was Sinn Fein presidentGerry Adams, who joined a childhoodfriend from Ireland, Joseph Shmit, co-ownerof Bobby Van’s Steakhouse for a privatebreakfast at the restaurant designed toraise funds and awareness for the Irishpeace process. Adams, who survived anassassination attempt a few years back, haslong disavowed any connection with theIRA. He is touring this country with hisvision of a new Ireland as a genuinedemocracy, with national self-determination,and the independence of a unifiedIreland as a sovereign state.

THE LIVELY ARTS: A hauntinglybeautiful book, Vietnam: Portraits andLandscapes, has just been published by theSwiss house Editions Stemml. It is the workof award-winning American photographerPeter Steinhauer who was born inColorado in 1966, two weeks after hisdoctor father left for Vietnam to serve inthe Third Marine Division. Later hisfather returned to Vietnam along withsome family members to continue humanitarianmedical work. Peter Steinhauer,thought he would only stay briefly, butinstead spent seven years, enchanted by thebeauty he found there.

Steinhauer set out to show Vietnam withnone of the usual traces or echoes of war,and the photographs are masterful views ofbewitched landscapes and character-filledfaces touched with the chiaroscuro that willmake you think of Rembrandt. Thirty ofthe photos from the book will be on exhibitin the Rotunda of the Russell Senate OfficeBuilding from April 29 to May 3, thenfrom May 6-June 5 on Capitol Hill atGallery 325, a block from the EasternMarket. Gallery Hours Thurs-Sunday, 9a.m.-6 pm.). Karren LaLonde Alenier,award-winning poet and publisher (WordWorks of Bethesda) has just returned fromNew York where the opera on which shedid the libretto, Gertrude Stein Invents aJump Early On with composer WilliamBanfield, has just received a workshop presentationby Encompass New OperaTheatre artistic director Nancy Rhodes.Early critical response was enthusiastic, andthis modern opera is now on a roll.

AROUND AND ABOUT: InWashington there is a philanthropist whomay not be a household name, but who isa great friend of many of the most prominentpeople in town. He is business consultantRoy Pfautch, who often hosts ahuge Christmas dinner each year in connectionwith the Marine’s Toys for Totsprogram. Last year, in view of theSeptember events, he skipped the partyand gave a contribution instead.