When it comes to being faithful, how can you tell if he will stay or stray?
By Jess McCann
First Elin. Now Sandra. It’s heartbreaking to hear that two such lovely ladies are having to endure public humiliation and heartache brought on by their husbands. It’s bad enough when your spouse has one affair, but both men have now owned up to multiple indiscretions. It’s sad, but even more so, it’s scary. Obviously neither Elin or Sandra believed their husband would be unfaithful when they said their “I do’s.” Like the rest of us, I’m certain they believed they were entering into a loving and committed relationship.
Unfortunately, it turned out to be anything but.
Obviously no one can predict the future. But I do believe there are certain cues you can’t discount when evaluating your partner for life. Some may not be as obvious as Mark Sanford’s (not wanting to use the word “fidelity” in your wedding vows should have tipped his wife off.) But most men aren’t as vocal about their doubts, partly because they believe they will stay faithful. How can you tell, then, who’s going to be a loyal husband, and who isn’t?
Dig into the past
A wise woman once told me, “the greatest indicator of future events, lies in the past.” That woman was my mother, and she was trying to save her seventeen year old daughter from going out with the wrong guy. I had fallen for the school’s running back, who had quite the reputation for playing the field.
Of course, I thought I could change him. I thought I would be different. But I thought wrong. He cheated on more than one occasion. I went through a horrible break-up and suffered through years of insecurity because of it.
When it was finally over, he moved on to someone else. He cheated on her too.
The old saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater” is not always true, however. I don’t think you can categorize all men that have cheated, as chronic cheaters. The key here is, what happened after they cheated. Were they remorseful? Did they regret it? Or was it a repeated offense only stopped once they were caught red-handed?
You don’t necessarily have to turn and run if a guy tells you he was unfaithful to his high school girlfriend, but you do have to dig further and find out what the circumstance were and how he felt about it.
Ask about the ex
On the outside, Tiger Woods and Jesse James could not be more different. One is a professional golfer with a clean cut appearance and a million dollar smile. The other is a biker bad boy, complete with tattoo’s and lawsuits. The one thing they do have in common? Taste in women. Both have been linked to porn stars and strippers, according to tabloid accounts.
In fact, James’ ex, Janice Lindemulder happened to be both.
When you are getting involved with someone, it’s important to find out what qualities they value in another person. Asking about their past girlfriends will tell you what kind of woman they gravitate towards. Hopefully you will find they had a long term girlfriend who was a nice, loving, decent person and who was not in the adult entertainment industry.
Sometimes just asking about the ex won’t be enough. Once again, you should put on your inspector’s cap and dig into his former flame. Ask deeper questions. What kind of girl was she? What did he love about her? If the answer is her bedroom talents, you may want to rethink your next date.
Get an outsiders opinion
According to Jesse himself, Sandra Bullock’s friends not only disapproved of their relationship, they flat out hated him. It took months of courting and convincing for him to even get the star to accept a first date. But once he did, she was hooked, and her friends were frightened. Rather than hear their concerns, however, Bullock listened to her heart.
Friends will only want the best for you. Often times they can anticipate problems you may not because they are removed emotionally from the relationship. In Sandra’s case, she should have listened to her companions. They distrusted him for a reason. If you start seeing a guy and your friends or family speak out against him, don’t turn a deaf ear. They are in your corner. Use them as the voice of reason and logic, because when you are in too deep, it’s hard to hear your own.
Don’t be seduced
Last but not least, don’t be seduced by the high life. Both Jesse and Tiger are well-known celebrities, and many women find the fame and glory to be exciting. However, when a man is so used to being adored by many, one woman usually won’t satisfy him. The male ego can be a constantly growing entity, particularly in high profile men. Some need the attention to thrive. You may not be one to date a professional athlete or reality television star, but those aren’t necessarily requirements for an over-sized male ego. There are men in this very city that have ordinary jobs and simple lifestyles, yet they have an insatiable need for female attention. You know what type of guy I’m talking about. You find them out on the town, always socializing, and always flirting. They are the guys that while talking to you, are looking over your shoulder to see who else is coming through the door. These are the guys that don’t want to settle down, and you shouldn’t even get them to try. It would be like caging a wild animal. Sooner or later, they will retaliate.
Look for the good guy. The guy that has close friends and family, and doesn’t feel like he’s missing something when he’s sitting on the couch with you. Find that guy that your friend’s love, and who’s past relationships and ex-girlfriends are normal. That’s the guy you want. That’s the guy that is smart enough to recognize and stay faithful to wonderful, amazing you.
